CUDDLES NOT CODDLES
Have you ever joined in the rants about kids these days? How selfish, lazy, gimme-a-trophy-for-nothing, cry about everything, smelly little punks they are? Okay, maybe the smelly part is just my opinion, and in all fairness to other kids out there, that may be due to my lack of motivation to bathe my little demons. But, I think all of the rest are things we see in other children that we want to try to prevent in our own. I say try, because as your babies grow, you see so many personality traits start to emerge. Some will be more sensitive than others. They can still be taught that while you understand that they’re upset to see their brother rub a favorite stuffed animal on his butt to make them cry, they don’t HAVE to cry like a little … Anyway, you get the idea, and you know what “wording” works for your family. So, in teaching our children about how to deal with their emotions, we have introduced them to the suck-it bucket. Now don’t assume this means we’re those horrible parents you glare at when their kid falls down and starts crying and they just scream at them to be quiet. We have compassion for our babies’ pain. We have empathy, and teach that, too. You can read about that brilliance HERE. But there are those instances, you know the ones, that you are thinking “Gimme a break!”. You’re thinking how you never would have complained about that when you were little, and your parents never would have let you get away with it. These are the opportunities to teach them the life lesson of the suck-it bucket.
Examples:
Things aren’t always equal – we try to be fair so as not to show favoritism but we can’t walk around with a calculator adding it all up. She has 2 more outfits than you. Put it in your suck-it bucket.
We can’t always do what other parents do. Yes, your friend gets to go “fill in blank” every day, but Mommy doesn’t always feel well enough to drag 4 kids out for the sake of the ever so popular activities agenda for kids. We have to pace ourselves. Spending the money isn’t top of my list of fun, either. So, you’ll enjoy the things we CAN do. Or, put it in your suck-it bucket.
Homework has to be finished. Think of it as your job. Just like Daddy doesn’t enjoy going to work, and there are days I’d rather use sandpaper on my eyeballs than show up to mine. Oh, sorry schmoopies, I still love you and all, you can just be really – hmm,difficult sometimes and make me cry. But anyway, we were talking about you, not me, right? So homework is your job, and it needs to be finished before you go to bed. Strategically (I’m convinced), laying out toys on the rug so they blend in and I can’t see them so I twist my ankle, does NOT have to be done before bed. Put it in your suck-it bucket.
Actually, here’s a real life, true example of us using our bucket:
We took the kids to the zoo. Every year we get 2 family passes. One indoor, and one outdoor activity. With 4 kids, this is very economical as far as entertainment goes. They all love the zoo. They also want something every time they go. We don’t roll like that. Our first trip this summer, they asked, as usual, if we would buy them, well, anything. It was a hot day. We ate our packed lunch, and needed refills for our water bottles fairly quickly. Inside an exhibit, we used a water fountain. As the afternoon went on, I decided I really had a craving for a cold fountain pop. At the next place selling refreshments, I ran inside. I brought out my medium cup, took a few sips, then handed it over to Jackpot to share. Dax, just turned four, looked up at me with his angelic, blue-eyed face, and said, “Hey, why do you guys get a drink?” Deep breath so I don’t lose my shit…. “Honey. Daddy can barely make it through his work week his knee hurts so bad. Mommy had so many blood sugar roller coasters this week she’s having a hard time staying awake. But, we didn’t want you guys cooped up on this beautiful, although hot as Hell, day. We bring you here many times a year, buy you treats to eat, treats from the gift shop. But, we’re keeping the money a little tighter right now. So, Mommy and Daddy are going to split this cup of ice-cold Diet Coke while you all drink warm lizard exhibit water. Put it in your suck-it bucket.”
So, as you can see, we’re not monsters. Okay, maybe you think we are. We prefer to see ourselves as reality-dosers. Life isn’t always fair. Life can actually sometimes suck. But, if we do our job and teach them now how to deal with it, even if our method is sometimes “frowned upon”, our little sometimes shitasses won’t grow up to be adult always shitasses. They won’t be the teenagers, and adults, playing on their phones because they don’t feel like working right now. You worked 2 hours today already and feel you deserve the break? Suck-it bucket. They won’t be the a-holes who think they should get their order first because, well, they’re who they are???? You’re running late, but they were here before you. Suck-it bucket. They won’t think they can move out of our house into a deluxe apartment and the rent will magically get paid. You’re used to better, why should you have to pay for less? Suck-it bucket.
My goal is to never have a son-in-law, or daughter–in-laws, who call and bitch me out that I raised a princess for them to deal with. Of course, if they did, you know where I’d tell them to put it.
No children were harmed emotionally beyond repair in the stories above. All of our delicious babies get plenty of hugs along with each life lesson.
Does your family have a suck-it bucket?
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Warm lizard water!!! Lol. Yep!!! I grew up drinking from the backyard hose while picking up my snacks out of the barn dirt. Loooooove this. Kids need parents who prepare them for real life and it ain’t always purdy or fair, just like the previous grammar!!
Ha! Yes! They were playing out in the sprinkler one day and told us they were thirsty. Seriously? The hose is right there!
I think in order for more parents to adopt such a crazy concept of supporting your children through adversity at a very young age, hospitals or pediatricians should send parents home with a suck-it bucket and a tender little note recognizing their responsibility to avoid raising entitled little “shit-asses”.
This would be so much more helpful than the diapers, right?
My Dad’s favorite phrase was “suck it up!” When I was a kid. Of course that lead him to accidentally sending me to school with the chicken pox when I was 14 but you win some you lose some. It certainly kept me from being too much of a princess!
The sick thing really gets us. Now the schools have all these guidelines (which is actually good, but still) when it comes to being sick. They have a temperature of 99.5, but are still bouncing off the walls and I have to keep them home! At least you can tell your kids that they can go to school with a little cold because you went with chicken pox! 🙂
Lol, what a great idea!
I am glad to know that I am not the only one at this. Sometimes I feel bad whenever my daughter throws a tantrum and I’d look at her and say “I’m sorry baby, in life, you don’t always get what you want.” Because just like you, I don’t want to raise a princess and a prince.
Belle | One Awesome Momma
Right? I hate to use the “life isn’t always fair” thing because it can sound a little heartless. But, it’s so true! I’m doing them no good by not preparing them for that.
I very much subscribe to the idea of attachment parenting, but that doesn’t mean I coddle my kids over everything. There are times when my daughter falls down and cries and i know she isn’t hurt, I don’t coddle her. She is always asking for something new every time we go to the store, nope sorry and don’t throw a fit or you will lose what you already have.
I don’t know that some parents realize how easy it can be to do both, if they would stop worrying how everyone else might be viewing their parenting, right?
LOL! This is fantastic! I need one for myself, to be honest.
One of the best additions to our family! Other than the kids, of course. 😉
I try not to give my children everything. My Significant other and I don’t exactly see eye to eye all the time in this department.
That definitely makes it hard! Mine tends to want to spoil in areas that he was slighted in as a child. Understandable, but sometimes he has to be reigned in! 😉
I can only imagine how expensive activities get with 4 kids! It would be hard to get everyone something to eat, drink, souvenir, etc. on every trip. I feel that way with just 1!
We pack lunches and get the occasional souvenir. Doesn’t stop them from asking!
I found my self literally laughing out load a few times as I read this. The soda and lizard water part… HAHA so funny. My only daughter is too young at this point but I can see us implementing something similar in the future. Thanks for sharing. Loved it!
Thanks! I think a lot of parents use some version of this eventually. We just tend to be a little colorful in what we call things around here. 😉
I try to practice attachment parenting as much as I can. I do believe that there is a time to cuddle and comfort your littles and times where you need to help them gain their independence. I have many people in my life that tell me that I coddle my daughter, which is their opinion but I don’t think I do. I guess it’s about perspective on what you consider just comforting and coddling. However, my daughter knows that she doesn’t get what she wants because she wants it she needs to earn it. She doesn’t throw tantrums and she respects herself as well as others. I couldn’t ask for any more then that.
We get the same thing! It IS all about the perspective. So easy for others to decide where you’re “going wrong” as a parent, right? As long as I keep getting compliments on their behavior, I’ll figure we’re doing okay!